Straight up
I would simply be frank and straight up with him. Your new housemate might not have picked up your subtle message last time. Therefore I think you should sit down and have a very clear, open conversation with him about what is bothering you and try to find a way to fix it. Try to come up a compromise that works for all of you. Setting an ultimatum or getting upset will probably not help the situation. Good luck!
Esmee Zutt, MSc student of Plant Biotechnology
Why?
If your housemate is acting differently than before, there is probably a reason for it. Perhaps something has changed in his personal life. If he is going through a hard time, that could explain why he is spending a lot of time in his room. It is also possible that he too is disappointed by his new housemates. Perhaps he didn’t receive the warm welcome he expected. Even a sociable person can put up a shield in such a case. Try talking to him face-to-face to find out what’s going on. And do your best to make him feel welcome in your house.
Bertha Nkhata, MSc student of Urban Environmental Management
Rental contract
It’s great that you’ve already discussed it with him — that’s the first step, of course. But it’s a shame the message hasn’t got through. A situation like that can have a big impact on the atmosphere. Personally, I would speak to him again, possibly by setting up a ‘house meeting’ to discuss his behaviour. If he doesn’t respond to the feedback and you don’t see any other option, have a look at what the rental contract says. If your housemate’s behaviour doesn’t meet the conditions in the contract, you might be able to evict him on that basis.
Sanne van Doorn, MSc student of Biotechnology
‘Nonviolent communication’
There could be many reasons why your housemate is shutting himself off. I think you should approach him individually. There is a useful framework for difficult conversations by Rosenberg that helps you get your message across peacefully. Don’t judge; instead tell him what you observe (I see that you do…). Describe what effect that has on you and why it makes you feel that way (It makes me feel… because I value…). Finish with a request (Would you be willing to…?). At first this method feels unnatural, but once you experience the benefits it won’t seem so strange anymore.
Jos Hazenbosch, MSc student of International Development Studies
Next WURry:
If you have advice or tips for this Wurrier or if you need some advice yourself, email your tips or question (100 words max) before 20 March to resource@wur.nl, subject noWURries.